there's paper in my vomit.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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