dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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