grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
