In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
false alarm. still invincible.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
