i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
