Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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