so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
