my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
