My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
