did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
