I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
