he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
