john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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