I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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