I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
