last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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