so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
