Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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