I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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