Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
