I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
