So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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