So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
