i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
