i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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