Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
