I'm jealous of your bromance
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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