a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
