At least make sure they are 18
Why
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
