You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
