Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
