One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
