So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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