Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
