If that was your dad, he is hot
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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