brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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