either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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