I can't watch pbs sober anymore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
