roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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