"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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