He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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