I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize