hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
