You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You ate ashes out of my bong
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
