I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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