She's JV to your varsity
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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