SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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