Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
