Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
