I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
