I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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