I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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