This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Enjoy the penises
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
