Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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