We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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